May you never get what you wish for...only what you need

Your post is awesome, so energizing to get back to blogging.  I like the idea of going after our failed romances, the true lonely hearts club.  One of my doctors told me once that in order to move forward, often we have to go back and be swallowed by the dragon (you know that Japanese story right?).  Much to be learned by remembering where we came from, for good or bad.

Today I received a gorgeous ring from my grandfather, given to my grandmother on their 60th wedding anniversary, which my grandmother never wore, as my grandpa put it "because she didn't want to remember she had been married that long to me."  Such sadness and so many lives affected by their choices.  My grandma had great dignity in living up to her word and I loathe to really second guess anyone else's decisions, I wasn't there and I'm me, not him or her as the case may be.  I don't know if I could have stayed with my grandfather and his shenanighans (we really should go back there for brunch, crab and champagne ;-0) but I respect my grandmother for knowing the choices she made and living by them.  The ring is so beautiful, I wish it had been loved by my grandmother, or even given to her in love.  I hope that I will be able to imbue it with a more beautiful hue, either as my own wedding ring or because it will reflect a life well lived and loved by me.  I'm not the firstborn grandchild or even the first girl grandchild for these grandparents and yet I received the jewelry that was worth the most.  My grandfather said I was special to my grandmother, a bit hard to comprehend given that my grandmother didn't show her emotions at all, but I will suspect that my grandmother had no reason to tell my grandfather such things if they weren't true.  I can say I am probably their only girl grandchild who they didn't wonder about life choices or judgment, like my mother who they never had to worry about.  I have made mistakes in life of course but my choices overall would leave no parent or grandparent concerned.  Guess that's something.  

We laughed at each other in text today, my lamenting how I have a home that's nearly paid off, now a ring that has never been worn and is worth many thousands and 6 cats, all I really need is to buy a wedding dress and I'll be all set up!  But no love interests or prospects.  And I choose my cats.  One point of clarification, only because I joke constantly about it.  I take care of 6 cats, only 2 of them are mine.  I guess I have great love for the oldest cat but she is actually my brother's.  Point being, only two of them would I take with me anywhere I might live.  It's much funnier of course for me to have 6 cats, honestly I would never choose that, given the choice.  The reality is that two of these cats are already on the slippery end of life's slope, one is deaf, the other mostly blind.  The other two cats are my parents cats but obviously I am to take care of them while I am here.  Not entirely sure why that is obvious other than I already have all the others and I know how to read cats now (can I say I'm fluent in cat? hehehehe).  It's terribly funny for me to be the crazy cat lady and I relish that moniker.  My bonehead ex suggested putting the old cats down, when he still envisioned a future with me in Connecticut and that isn't something I would do, I know you were equally appalled at the suggestion which he didn't say in jest.  If necessary, I might pay someone here to keep the older cats if they couldn't move with me but I really think that either old age will overtake or I will be left to make the decision to end their life in the near future.  The kittens are mine and will stay with me but they are no trouble whatsoever.  So I will continue to be the crazy cat lady with 6 cats, but I hope it never comes across as anything other than a supremely funny jest.  I expect you, c4b, to keep me from being the person who invades other people's personal space, poking their arm while simultaneously decrying the economic bailouts, or the person who reads LOTR and talks to random people about it while drinking coffee.  And if I'm in an ambulance on the way to the hospital and you are following behind in your car, please don't leave me in the emergency room to go home to fix your garbage disposal.  True story, my grandfather did that to my grandmother last week...so think about that if you ever start to feel really bad about not being with someone and think it's better to be with someone than no one.  Sometimes the grass on the other side is crab grass...